Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were trust falling into bushes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
