i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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