I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
