i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
