im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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