so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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