He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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