He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
did i just pee glitter
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