Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
