I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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