I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
