I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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