So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
