Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
