Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Walk of Shame today included voting.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
