Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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