guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
