i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
