I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
