I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
