At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You have to summon your inner elephant
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
