I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
