either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
