I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
