She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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