Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
