just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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