the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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