Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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