How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This couple is walking their pig around campus
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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