btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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