never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
