Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
