Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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