You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
