I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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