Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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