Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
