Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
