After last night, I could never be a politician.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
