ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
