Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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