Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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