He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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