Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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