I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
