Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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