dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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