Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you have feelings for this penis?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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