i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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