The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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