everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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