Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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