3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
