i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
